NEIL GAIMAN IS COMING TO THE PHILIPPINES THIS YEAR!!!
*runs around like a headless chicken*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Salamat kay Ina sa pagbulatlat ng balita.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
*hyperventilate*

FEELING LIKE THE FOX

It has been a long time since I have re-read "The Little Prince" by Antoine St. Exupery.

Right now though I keep rememebering the Fox's conversation with the Little Prince, telling him to come at four in the afternoon, just so he will know when he will start to anticipate his arrival.

I feel like that right now. Whenever the clock reads 4 o' clock, a feeling of imminent joy quietly creeps up my skin. Five o' clock signals a strong sense of anticipation, waiting and hoping time flies by to 6:30. The words on my computer swim in and out, sometimes registering quickly, sometimes taking time to sink in. And when 6:20 comes, a smile settles on my lips as I fix the work I have done for the day and get ready for great company after 6:30.

Long have I forgotten this feeling. Right now it just feels strange yet nicely warm. :)

A feeling I will miss when I get back to Davao. But then that's another challenge to face. A challenge I'm looking forward to know for real.

*****
mamsyeb: congrats! it must be the year of the leon guinto ladies. :)

I usually arrive at the office between 9:15 to 9:30 AM because I usually waste my mornings relaxing. Whenever I leave home without my consciousness, uh, conscious, I am not fully operational any time during the day. Today, I arrived 810 AM to prepare with Maya our report for the program.

KAPOY! PAGOD! TIRING!

Reporting, though it just requires you to explain something you already know by heart, is still tiring. Maybe exactly because I know it by heart. Hay.

The interesting thing about reporting in Assis, Ambassador Dee has so many ideas that actually make me introspect on our programs some more. And what's fun about it is he makes us formulate programs without thinking of budget constraints first. Which is still hard to do as we do not want to keep our hopes up either.

Anyway, it's only lunch time but I feel like I have used up all my energies for the day this morning. Sigh. Thank God, I feel inspired with the meeting.

Except I couldn't bring myself to work yet. I still need to breathe from all those ideas.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate in one corner.

WISDOM

It has been my longest stay here in Manila since I left it last October 13, 2003. Last January 5, I arrived here feeling bitchy and irritable because I took the last flight. Which means going home would be difficult because there would be no more taxis around. Anyway, there is no point to that story.

It's almost the third week I have been here. And honestly, working in Manila stresses me out as compared to working in Davao. Thank God there are people to look forward to at the end of the day.

But then, one thing that makes me glad I am here is listening to Kuya Ben and Amb. Dee talk about the foundation, and their vision for the future. When we have meetings here in Manila, it is always an inspiring time for me. The thing with Davao is we got down and dirty, but would oftentimes forget to take moment to think things over and see where we are going. Those meetings with the top guys give me a chance to make it a point to dream beyond what I am doing right now.

I still don't know when I am going home. I hold no ticket. I don't know when the things I am supposed to do here will get done. I have been wanting to go home (to those who knows something, I have been eager to go back to Davao, really). I miss my mom. I want to get down and dirty and in the area.

I also want to go home, so I will enjoy the anticipation of going back to Manila. Hehehe!

*****

calm. peaceful. content.

words that constantly pop-up in our converations.

i like.

Sabi niya nung isang araw,
"mabilis nga, pero hindi naman minadali."

Quotable quote. At magandang punto. :)

Let it burn.
So I did.
Embers and kindling and flames.
Just rightly warm.
:)

STILL NOTHING

The rush of things happening seemed to have left words suspended in midair. A cacaphony of feelings drown the thoughts that balance lightly on tip of my tongue. The taste it leaves remind me of black chocolate. Wonderfully bittersweet.

WALA LANG

Ngunit madami rin talaga. Nakakatawa. Nuon, wala masyadong nangyayari sa akin pero ang dami-dami kong naisusulat. Siguro nga dahil sa halip na pagdaanan ang buhay, isinasabuhay na lang sa papel. Marahil.

Madaming trabaho. Ngarag na nga ako. May walang humpay na pangagabog ng dibdib sa kaba na baka hindi matapos. Pero kapag pumatak ang alas-sais sa relo... lumuluwag ang pakiramdam. Ibang pangangabog naman.

Sumusulat lang ako para ipaalam na buhay pa ako. At masaya. Sabi ko nga kay babypink, yey ang pinili ko. :)

MOTTOS

Last year's motto was, "assume nothing, enjoy everything." It served the Davao girls' lives well. It kept us sane while enjoying our insanity. But the calendar has moved on and so should our motto.

Tatit has ingenously formulated a new one for 2005, the result of a text exchange where I was embarassed by a blush creeping up my neck settling naughtily on my cheeks.

LET IT BURN!

Oo nga naman. So simple yet it captured the feel of what 2005 will be like.

Let it burn.

Not just those cheeks, mind you. The passion for life or even the dispassion for it. Let that burn. Being a Leo, a fire sign, I'm all for spontaneous combustion. Every emotion that comes, I feel, should be felt with a certain allowable intensity (not too much that nothing is left of you but ashes) for it to have meaning. Or else, why feel at all.

So now that God has hurled very interesting situations up my face, I say to myself, Let it burn.

Tatit, you are magus!

been quite busy. work and other stuff. gusto ko magkuwento ng batch 20 jvp reunion nung weekend pero hahay... dami pa kailangang gawin. mukhang pagbalik ko na ng davao matutupad ito.

babypink, i think i chose yey. :)

The air of 2005 smells thick of apples and oranges and some unidentifiable scents that make my heart both quiver with delight and fret. A strange mix of fear and anticipation of things to come, yet unknown. I feel like standing on the table and shouting "Captain, my Captain" to the world. Running around like a headless chicken would be great too.

Blech. Yey. Blech. Yey.

Can't decide which.

PIKIT

Minsan, di sinasadyang
mapalingon kung nasaan ka.

Nahuling tumititig ang
mga kulay-kape mong mata
sa kalawakan
tila hinahanap ang isang nakakubling lihim,
sinisisid ang mga alon ng tadhana
sinusuyod ang kadilimang nakayakap sa iyong mundo.

Wala kang malay
na nakadampi ang aking mga matang
nabighani ng iyong mukhang nagtatanong.

Nang ikaw ay napapikit,
at sa iyong mga labing nakatikom,
may anino ng isang ngiting kasingtamis ng pulot.

01042005
0906am

TAMIS
tatlong kutsara ng asukal
sa araw-araw
ang hinahalo mo
sa isang kutsarita ng nescape
para kahit man lang sa umaga
malasap mo na may
kaunti pa ring tamis ang buhay

01042005
0915am

MTS SA BUNTAG

The sounds of the previous night's merry-making were merely ghosts that floated with the dreary Sunday morning air. If I strained hard, I might have been able to hear the echo of the clinking beer bottles and somebody's toast to the coming year. The riff from the electric guitar and the bang of the drums hid in the quiet shadows of the trees. The trees that rejoiced in the much sought tranquility and serenity of a day's beginning.

Birds call at each other with earnest voices, challenging the rowdiness of last night with their hushed but forceful tunes. Benches stood facing each other, remnants of last night's gamut of conversations. Chess pieces settled under the cover of a dirty white tarpaulin, as if scared of the light. Junk food wrappers seemed strained to make their way home tothe bin lying on its side, spilling its contents. As if too full to hold anymore.

I was the lone witness.

BAGONG TAON. BAGONG BUHAY.

Wala lang. I have a lot of things on my mind, none of which I think I should write down here. It's really 2005. Wow. 5 years into the milennium (4, if we get technical). Looking forward.

****

Prayers to the tsunami victims. But despite my mother feeling it to be the work of God, I totally disagree. The God I believe in would be that cruel. My opinion, it's us making a mess of the home God gave us and Mother Earth is slowly asking for payback. The typhoons, the tsunamis, the earthquakes... it's because we are messing with the Earth's balance. Is God watching quietly from the sidelines? Nah. There are people out there working to help make this world better. That's Jesus in the flesh.

****

Went back to Pangantucan. Unlike the drama of my Calapan visit, Pangantucan was more perfunctory than anything else. I was eager to go home immediately, especially since most of the students I were close to weren't there. They've all grown up. They are the age when I was teaching them. Except they feel more grown up now than I was then. The old story of exchanging girlfriends, getting pregnant or getting somebody pregnant, not being able to finish... sob stories. Maybe that's why I don't like going back. Because I hear more sad stories than good ones unlike in Calapan. But I am proud of one of my students who is now teaching in the high school. He was magna cum laude in the school he was studying in. And he wants to pay back PCHS for the kindness it has showed him.

Oh, and one non-student read my Youngblood article on Pangantucan and loved it. :)